War is Cringe: NATO Summit Edition
"DADDY" MERCH OUT NOW!
This week was the NATO Summit in The Hague, where 32 members of the world’s biggest security organization endorsed a plan to drastically ramp up defense spending. It’s a massive win for weapons manufacturers, so make like a member of Congress and buy your stocks now!
It is also a massive win for those with psychosexual obsessions with Donald J. Trump, as new merch is now available to celebrate his status as “Daddy.”
Let’s rewind:
On the way to the summit, Trump criticized Israel and Iran for violating the ceasefire, which now appears to be holding (Note: He is allowed to criticize Israel, but Zohran Mamdani and anyone to the left of Ronald Reagan cannot, lest they be accused of a hate crime).
“We basically have two countries that have been fighting so long and so hard they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing,” he yelled over the sound of the helicopter.
At a joint media appearance, NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte defended the use of profanity by the President of the United States, saying, “sometimes daddy has to use strong language.”
The White House, and its communications department, Fox News, took it and ran with it. The official White House page went so far as to get Usher involved, making a fancam video set to the Usher song “Hey Daddy (Daddy’s Home).”
Fox News took it a step further, with human grease stain tweeting “If you STAB DADDY in the back, you’re going to get more than a SPANKING.” Not to kink-shame but…ew.
Trump is now selling merch featuring his mugshot (remember the time he was indicted on racketeering and related charges in Georgia for his conduct after the 2020 election?) with “DADDY” underneath.
These are scary times. We don’t know if the Iran-Israel ceasefire will hold, IDF soldiers are telling Haaretz that they are being told to shoot unarmed Gazans waiting for humanitarian aid, Russia continues to kill civilians in Ukraine on day 1,219 of the war, and they seized a key Ukrainian lithium field…so buy your DADDY merch now!